As Courtney passed into a deeper stage of sleep she began to have a dream. She was standing on the top of a very tall building in the center of town.. But as she looked around she could not see downtown or the neighborhoods. In each direction was a scene from earlier in her day. All of the scenes were static and it seemed she was the only one who could move in the dream.
When she looked down from the building in front of her she could see the entrance to her school. Donald was holding open the door with a hopeful, but cautious smile and she and Ashley were in mid stride walking through it and giving him a cold stare. When she turned to her left she could see herself sitting with Derek at the cafeteria table glaring in the direction of Bo who had sympathetic expression as he walked next to a distressed looking Cassie. Behind her she saw Mr. Becket’s Biology class. She and Ashley were laughing while Allison sat crying. And to her right, she and Derek were in his bedroom, more undressed than dressed. As she focused in she could see that her eyes looked hollow, while Derek’s expression conveyed an animal like lust.
She spun around again and again hoping something would change, but to her dismay it all remained the same. Frozen images from her day. Except, she didn’t remember those facial expressions. Or had just not been able to see them? When she finally stopped spinning, on the roof, next to her, was her mom. Peacefully sleeping on the couch, just as she had found her when she returned home that night.
Courtney couldn’t take it anymore. Why was she the only one in here dream who seemed to be aware of what was happening? “Is anyone else here?!” she screamed.
A calm voice that seemed to come out of nowhere answered, “I’m here.”
As she turned around once more she saw, well, me, Jesus. I didn’t look to her how she remembered in the Sunday School illustrations. I was much darker skinned, much more rugged, but somehow, she new it was Me.
“Jesus, I can’t believe…what are you doing here?”
“Well, Cass. I think we need to have a little talk.”
“Sure Jesus, what about?”
“Cass, you know that I love you unconditionally. So, it is because I love you that I say this… You chide your friend for saying a cuss word, but you use your words to belittle those who are already beaten down at your school. You judge the motives of others, while lying to your mother with impure intentions. You call others slut and whore, while engaging in activities that are only less than sex in the technical sense.”
“Get the sexual immorality out of your own life so that you can see why Cassie allows herself to be objectified by the football players. Remove the unkindness from your heart so you can truly understand why Allison wears that mask. Stop pretending to be someone you are night so you can perceive the reality behind Bo’s affection for you. Quit being deceitful so you will grasp the pain that causes Donald’s awkwardness. Your judgment and lack of love has blinded you, Cassie! Let the scales fall off that you may truly see.”
“But, Jesus,” Courtney rebutted. “Aren’t your judgments of me kind of harsh. It is hard to be a Christian at a public high school. I mean, I am just trying to fit in while still doing this God thing.”
As Jesus replied, his words dripped with love and compassion, “Courtney, my beloved, you are not being a Christian at a public high school, you are being a Pharisee. When you awake, tomorrow will be today once more and you will find out that you are not the only one who has many reasons for the behaving the way they do.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Courtney awoke the next morning and sat up in bed. She was happy it was Saturday. She was excited to eat breakfast with her mom, even thought she would never admit it. And she was very excited to be done with that dream from the night before.
“Courtney, what are you doing up there, honey? You are going to be late to school!”
What the…Courtney thought to herself. She grabbed her cell phone and checked the date. Friday, October 14th. That’s impossible!
As Courtney quickly got dressed, she told herself there had to be some sort of reasonable explanation. But, as she walked down the stairs, she had to stop and sit down. She was startled by the many voices speaking, just like the ones that had woke her last night. But this time the voices did not stay jumbled, they slowly cleared until Courtney could hear Donald, Bo, Cassie and Allison’ say one at a time, “Please help me!”
_________________________________
Courtney was visibly disturbed as she made her way to the kitchen.
“What’s wrong Courtney,” her mom asked?
“I’m just feeling kind of out of it, mom. Everything’s fine.”
“Okay. Are you going to have some pancakes with your brother and sister?”
“No, I will just grab a granola bar and a banana. Have to get to school early for a study session in Mr. Jones’ class.”
“Alright, but wait…”
“I know mom. Wait till I get there to eat. You don’t like when I try to eat and drive.”
Her mom smiled, “Love you Courtney, have a good day.”
“You too, mom.”
As Courtney was about to walk out the door, she stopped. Turned around and went over gave her mom a kiss on the cheek. “You really are a wonderful mom. Love you.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
While Courtney drove to school she replayed the words that Jesus had said in her dream, When you awake, tomorrow will be today once more and you will find out that you are not the only one who has many reasons for the behaving the way they do. But that was just a dream, right? Was she still dreaming? I mean, reliving the same day, that’s impossible. And then there where the voices in her head… Courtney felt like she was stuck in a movie on the SciFi channel.
As Courtney parked her car in the student parking lot she saw her friend Ashley pulling up. She waited for her to park and the two girls walked in together.
“Mr. Jones is just ridiculous,” complained Ashley as the two girls walked toward the building. “All this, ‘I’m just trying to prepare you for college’ crap. Give me a break. His wife left him last year and now he is bitter and has way too much time on his hand. A bad combination.”
Courtney was trying to focus on what Ashley was saying, but was starting to hear the barrage of voices in her mind again. “Yeah, I know,” was the only response she could muster.
“You okay,” Ashley asked, surprised her bestie had not joined in her tirade against Mr. Jones.
“I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”
As the two girls continued toward the building, all of the voices scrambled up in Courtney’s head cleared away and she was left with only one, Donald’s. She turned around and saw him hustling away from a beaten down pickup that his mom had driven him to school in. She looked at first to see if he was speaking, but realized that somehow she must be hearing his thoughts.
I can’t believe I am here this morning. All A’s through my first two and a half years of high school, and now I have an 89% in Mr. Jones’ class. Would it be that terrible if I got one ‘B?’ But, of course mom has to remind me of how we have no money since dad decided to take off with his secretary and all we had to live on is her salary as a waitress. And if I want to get out of this town and go to college it is going to have to be on scholarships.
As the girls neared the door, Donald came racing past them and opened the door. “Let me get that for you,” he said, clearly nervous and almost dropping the large pile of books he now tried to balance in one hand while opening the door with the other. “Two lovely ladies like yourselves should always have the door held for them.”
As Donald held open the door his thoughts shifted, but they were still just as clear in Courtney’s mind.
Oh man, I must have just sounded like such a dork. I know it’s coming, the whispers to each other and then the laughing. But, maybe not. I mean, I know Courtney does go to church.
“Yeah, okay, thanks Donald,” Ashley said not hiding her irritation.
Ashley turned expecting Courtney to follow up on her verbal assault, but instead she heard a gentle voice say, “Thanks Donald, that was really nice. Do you want to walk us to class?”
“Um…yeah, sure. I’d love to.”
“What are you doing Courtney?”
“Just thought Donald might want to have someone to walk into the study session with.”
“Okay, whatever. You and Prince Charming go on ahead, I’m gonna make a stop in the ladies’ room.”
As Ashley walked away Courtney and Donald began to walk down the hall. She turned to Donald and said, “Don’t worry about her. She must’ve woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Now, let’s go see if Mr. Jones can manage to make our day miserable even before school officially begins.”
Donald snickered at that and delightedly walked down the hall with Courtney.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Courtney sat alone picking at a salad in the lunchroom waiting for her boyfriend Derek to come in. She still had no idea what was going on, but it was somehow clear that she was actually reliving yesterday. She had kept trying to convince herself that she was just dreaming, but when she stabbed herself in the hand with her fork to test her theory, the pain persuaded her this was actually happening. Everything was happening just as it had yesterday, well yesterday’s yesterday that is…It seemed as if the only one who had the ability to do anything different, to create change from what had taken place yesterday, was her. As she sat there lost in her own thoughts, a commotion from the corner of the cafeteria nearest where she sat startled her.
“We’re gonna crush ‘em tonight!” yelled Brad, the running back and team captain of the football team.
“We’re gonna hit ‘em so hard they are gonna wish the game only had two quarters,” Marcus, a lineman, chimed in oh so intelligently.
Here we go again, Courtney thought. More of these guys’ screaming like wild animals. Living this moment once was more than enough.
“And what do you say Bo!” Brad screamed trying to draw in the star quarterback who seemed to be trying to keep just enough distance to not be a part of the commotion, but not too much distance to offend his teammates.
“I’m sure we’ll win tonight, Brad,” answered Bo in a voice much quieter than the other players.
Just before Courtney’s mind began to attack Bo, it happened again. What seemed to be thousands of voices in her head all at once, quickly receded until only Bo’s remained.
Seriously, Brad. I love you guys like brothers, but really. This is just idiotic. I mean, the only reason I am playing on the team is to keep my dad happy. If I have to listen to his story about how ‘if he hadn’t blown out his knee he would have gone pro’ one more time, I might puke. And Lord have mercy, if I tell him that what I really want to be doing is focusing on my artwork…
Because, don’t you know that in my father’s brilliant mind that’s only for girls. Um…ever heard of Vincent Van Gogh, Michelangelo, and Leonardo De Vinci? Pretty sure those were all guys, dad. At least it’s only 2 more years living under his roof…but man two years can seem like an eternity.
Courtney couldn’t believe it! Bo the artist. So, that’s why the shy, humble attitude. He really didn’t even want to be playing.
“That better not be all you got!” Brad fired back.
Bo sighed, and raised his voice just slightly, and without much conviction said, “We’re gonna destroy them tonight!”
“Yeah, that’s right!” all the guys screamed and their voices turned into a loud chorus of “Whose house? Bear’s house!” The Brawling Bears being the high school’s mascot.
As the yelling grew louder Courtney’s face turned into a frown as she felt genuine sympathy for Bo.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“What wrong babe?” Derek asked as he gave Courtney a kiss on the cheek and sat down beside her.
“Oh nothing, just kinda seems like Bo would rather not be a part of all that craziness over there. Look at how he is trying to stand off to the side. I feel bad for him.”
“Yeah, right,” Derek mocked. “Poor, innocent, Mr. Popular, All-State quarterback. I feel real bad for him.”
“I don’t know, I think you might have him figured wrong.”
Strutting over to the chanting, grunting, screaming crowd of players, walked Cassie. Being gameday she was of course dressed in her cheerleading uniform with a skirt that showed just how long her legs were.
And there were the voices again; quickly dwindling until only Courtney’s remained.
Time to put on a little show. Sure guys, smack my butt, I love it. Pinch it too, never gets old….But, what else am I going to do. Never been good at much else. Barely passing yet again this year. And then of course there is, ‘Maybe next year,’ from Mrs. Clark when I tried out for chamber choir. And, ‘Well you could play on the JV team again this year,’ from Coach Saunders. I’m a junior, what will that look like me being on the JV volleyball team for a third year.
But, parade over here to these buffoons and they’ll notice me. They don’t care that I can’t sing, I’m not very athletic and that I’m stupid. They just like what they see and that’s all that matters….well, of course except maybe for Bo. But, if he really likes me, why doesn’t he ever say so?
_________________________________
“Wow, Cass, I can’t get over how good you look in your uniform,” one of the not so subtle jocks told her.
Cassie giggled and rubbed her hand over his chest, “And you look so strong in your jersey, Tyler. You gonna catch a touchdown for me tonight?”
“I’ll catch two,” he answered grinning.
“That’s cool, you go ahead and score for her. I’m trying to score with her,” another player threw in, laughing loudly at his own joke.
Courtney began to hear Bo’s voice again in her head.
Man that pisses me off. I hate how they treat her. I don’t get why she lets them talk to her like that. Doesn’t she know how beautiful she is? How funny and sweet she is when she stops putting on that stupid act. I just wish I had the nerve to go over there and stick up for her.
_________________________________
“She is such a slut,” Derek said to Courtney.
“Don’t say that,” Courtney shot back.
“What? What’s wrong with you?”
“I gotta go over there. Sorry, Derek I’ll be back.”
“Hey, hold on, I wanted to talk about our plans for tonight.”
“Sorry, I’m hanging out with my mom tonight,” Courtney yelled over her shoulder as she raced toward Bo.
_________________________________
Courtney grabbed Bo by the arm and pulled him a little ways from the crowd. “Hey, Bo. Not sure if you know me or not. I’m Courtney.”
“Yeah, I know you. We are in Geometry together.”
“Okay, whatever. Just listen. I think you are a really nice guy. And deep down I think Courtney is a really nice girl. She is just putting on a show right now that she would rather not be performing in. And I think if you really like her as much as you say you do, you need to go over there and stick up for her.”
“Wait, but how do you know I…”
“Just cut the crap. I know. Everyone knows. It’s obvious.”
“Okay, I’ll go!”
As Derek started to walk back toward the crowd gathered around Courtney he turned back to look at Courtney in disbelief.
She smiled at him and added, “And I’m sure she’d love if you drew her one of your amazing pictures!”
The look of shock on his face was priceless.
_________________________________
“Come on, show us some of that Brawlin’ Bear pride, Cass. You know it’s our good luck charm,” Brad coaxed.
Bo pushed his way into the middle of the crowd.
“Courtney you don’t have to do that.”
All eyes turned to Bo.
“Look, these guys might just be joking around, thinking this is funny. But I know you don’t really want them looking at you that way, touching you. Why don’t you let me walk you to class.”
Cassie felt a relief rush across her that was unbelievable and started to walk toward Bo.
“But Bo,” Brad wined. “It’s our good luck ritual.”
“We don’t need luck with me at quarterback,” Bo shot back with quite possibly the most cocky statement he had ever made.
With stares of disbelief, the players watched as Bo and Cassie left the cafeteria, holding hands.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As Courtney went into her class last of the day Biology, it was the first time she wasn’t worried about being bored to death by one of Mr. Becket’s lectures. Instead, she was completely focused on hearing what was really on Allison’s mind. Courtney did not have to wait long to find out.
She slumped down in a seat near the back with Ashley to her right and
Allison to her left. As she did, she expected to hear the barrage of voices as she had earlier, but instead she was able to immediately focus on in on Courtney’s thoughts. Must be fine tuning my gift, Courtney thought to herself and smirked. A smirk that would not last long.
I just can’t sit through one more class. Allison thought to herself. I mean, do these people seriously expect me to focus on school when my mom died over the summer? I hear all of the counselors and experts talking to my dad, ‘She needs to get back into a routine. Keep things as normal as possible. It’s the best thing for her.’ How do they know about what’s best for me? It wasn’t there mom who died!
The tardy bell startled Courntey, and Mr. Becket, always prompt, began his lecture immediately. “Today, class, we will be looking at how both dominant traits and recessive traits are contributing factors in offspring.”
She tuned him out immediately and concentrated on hearing Allison. And then my dad wants to start dragging me to church to hear about how much God loves me. ‘It’s a place to help ease our pain.’ Year right! What a great loving God who let a mother of 3 die an excruciatingly paniful death from cancer.
Courtney was so intent on Allison’s thoughts she didn’t notice that Ashley was trying to pass her note until she heard, “pssst, psst, Courtney, here,” she whispered in a not so quiet voice.
Courtney opened the note and read it, Do you think it was the dominant or recessive trait that gave Allison pink hair.
Courtney saw Allison look at the note and she shot Courtney and Ashley both a piercing look, but somewhere just behind the death stare there seemed to be a trace of moisture.
Allsion’s thoughts came in a furry now, and somehow they were louder than any she had heard earlier that day. Almost as if Allison was managing to scream through her mind. And here we go again. Those two snobs think they’re so funny. And as if my mom dying wasn’t enough proof that there is no such thing as a loving God, Courtney confirms it. All the church girl crap and then she looks down on everybody else. And she claims to serves the same loving God that killed my mom.
Now it was Courtney’s eyes that moistened. She knew that canceling plans with Derek earlier was really just delaying the inevitable. She had to break up with him. It was a relationship based purely on the physical. And it had to end. Now, as she thought about what she was going to do next, she realized she might be burning bridges with her best friend and boyfriend all in the same day.
She wrote back, in large letters, so that both Ashley and Allison could both see. Not cool Ash, cut it out.
Ashley quickly shot back in huge red letters, “What’s wrong with you? You gonna join the freak show?”
Ashley’s jaw dropped, when she read Courtney’s reply, Yeah, I think I will.
Then her surprise grew to disbelief as Courteny gave a note to Allison that read, Hey. I am just going to hang out with my mom and play some games tonight instead of going to the game. Wanna come with me?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When the door slammed Courtney’s mom looked up from the novel she was reading and checked the clock. Only 6:00.
“Courtney, sweetie, is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me mom.”
“I thought you were going to the football game and then over to Ashley’s.”
“Change of plans,” Courtney answered as she and Allison entered the living room. “It’s family game night tonight. And I brought a friend.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When Jesus had finished he peered into the crowd of teenage observers to watch their reactions. They varied from those who were still in a state of disbelief that Jesus had said a cuss word while telling His story; to those who were so entrenched in their double lives that they could feel nothing but bitterness toward Jesus for describing their lives with pinpoint accuracy; to those who showed remorse for not being the same person at school as they were at church, but knew they were not willing to pay what it would cost to change; to those who carefully contemplated how they were treating others and allowed a picture to form in their minds of who they would reach out to and how they would do it the very next day at school.
Without another word to anyone, Jesus walked out of the youth room door with his 12 disciples, crumbs still smearing the edges of their mouths, following close behind.
Victor Halitzka's Blog 